Chapter 51 : I’m proud of you

 

I scored “I love you’s” this year…b0877b81ef9774bb7b680f69bea70edc

The first one I couldn’t love back enough,

The second one I couldn’t trust enough,

And the third uttered the words so frequently–

Until they sounded absurd to both of us.

I’ve received a bunch of enthusiastic “I like you’s,” “you’re amazing’s” and even “I have never met anyone like you.”

There were over a couple dozen of “will you go out with me,” and maybe twice as much of “can I call you sometime?”

There was probably a hundred “Good morning, Beautiful!” and “Good night, Princess” messages that never really made any significance because we all knew that the adjectives were as superficial as their intentions.

And then there were truckloads of empty promises and backhanded compliments like “I will be there at 8,” or “I swear you’re the only one.”

Hundreds of boxes full of “You’re pretty smart for a woman,” or “You write so well because you’re such a girl.”

“Maybe your brain is as big as your breast” or “Man, you can really punch for a girl.”

For all that, I keep an infinite amount of “I’m enough” and “I’ll be fine”.

I bring with me a few dozen “I don’t need anybody’s validation,” at all times.

And to get me through the toughest rides, I bring a purse-full of “I’m complete on my own” and tiny packets of “I’m sorry” for when I hurt myself in the process.

I keep a few in my pocket: “It’s a tough world.”

I bring some for others as well: “We’ll make it through, don’t worry too much.”

And once in a while, when the storm passes and the world sits calmly…

I give myself a pat on the back and hand myself out a little card that says “I’m proud of you,” and we march on trying our very best never to look back.

by Amabel Joy Marasigan

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